Lots of Things

So... is blogging still a thing? I'm thinking probably, no. Personally I have not updated my blog in over a year. You can go back and read the last post, we moved, it was stressful, then it wasn't, blah blah blah. My excuse for not blogging before was that we were moving and I didn't have time, also the computer/internet wasn't set up, whatever. Then I updated with a promise to keep going now that we were settled into our new place and... I never did. I think I never got back into it because I was pretty sure that NO ONE CARES. I mean, really, who was ever reading this? My life is neither more nor less interesting than anyone else so, who cares? Well.... I do. Let me tell you a little about what my life has been like for the last year. I have gotten older, (obviously) but like, really old. The early years of motherhood were so busy and exhausting that I never had time to sit and think about what I was doing and who I was. It was diapers and nursing and crying and carseats and pee and poop and barf. It was wonderful, but it all went by in a sleep deprived blur and I didn't think much about the future or what life would be like in the next stage. Now that stage is here. I have actual alone time during the day to sit and think and I started thinking about me. Who am I? What am I doing? What are my talents and skills? I see the things that my husband and children are doing and I'm so, so proud, but it also makes me wonder. What am I good at? Believe me, I have done some major soul searching and sometimes I feel really great about who I am and sometimes I don't, but I feel like that's normal. I am trying new things, like Yoga Inferno, it's hard and makes me feel strong!  But is it a skill? A talent? I don't know about that, but I do know that something I have been consistently good at is writing. Actually, I don't know if I'm good but I like it. It's very fulfilling to put down what I'm feeling into words. I love starting a story and seeing where it ends up, that's very exciting to me. I also really love to write about my kids and family and what we're up to. I like having those memories captured because life is flying by so very fast. It's good to be able sit down and remember what we've gone through. So I have decided to continue my blog. Like I said, I'm sure blogging is out, everyone has a youtube channel right? That's a thing now? James and I have always been behind the times though, I wore my first pair of leggings this fall and my kids got their first video game system ever just this last Christmas, a used X Box 360. So, it's fitting. It's my hope that writing again will help answer some of those "mid-life crisis-esq" questions and get my brain out of this "what am I doing" rut. I plan to continue to write about my families daily adventures like: James and the kids becoming ninja's and, oh my gosh we're building a house! In addition to that I want to write about life, love, health, motherhood, and things I'm pretty sure we are all dealing with as human beings. Please be sweet and read it, let me know what you think. Share with me what you would like to see me write about. Maybe it's dumb, maybe there are other things I could/should be focusing on, but life is hard, becoming an old wrinkly lady is hard, and if writing all this down can help me get through it then, I'm going to give it a go!

The Unsettling

I promised to do a post about the unsettling that has happened to us this year, so here it is! Also, is unsettling a word? Anyway, we moved! When we bought our house 8 years ago it was never meant to be our forever house. We bought it because we had sold our first home and needed a place to live. We had done really well fixing up our first home and selling it for a pretty big profit, so we thought we would do it again. Little did we know, the market took a dive. We, like so many people who bought at that time, were soon in a situation where we probably wouldn't break even if we sold, let alone profit, so we settled in. Lots of changes happened in that house. We had two more babies, James started his business, our kids grew up and started school, and we made a lot of changes to the house, fixing it up as we could.  We were happy and comfortable there and had lots of friends. However, it still wasn't the forever house. We knew we wanted to move, but didn't really know when or to where.  In late August of last year, the kids had just started school and life was rolling along. We were checking the real estate listing as we do occasionally and a house was listed that we thought was worth taking a look at. It was almost exactly what we wanted. After a lot of talk, we decided to make an offer, and then things went crazy. The house was bank owned, James is self employed, and we have rental properties. All those things were working against us in getting the house. We decided to put our house up for sale in the hopes that all would work out the way we wanted it. Well, it didn't. In the process of trying to make everything work out, the house sold to someone else. Someone else bought our dream home! It was so disappointing, but we made the decision to keep our house up for sale. We knew we were ready to move, so we might as well do it now. Our house sold in February and we still had not found the new "dream house". We decided rather than rent, we would buy a condo. We have had our rental properties for 8 years and knew how important those investments were, so the condo idea made sense. We would have a place to live while we found our new house then, we could rent out the condo when we leave.  It's not the way we wanted it to work out originally, but its working out great! We have a nice place to be together, we don't have any contract so we are open to buy as soon as we find our new home. We have a clubhouse with a gym and pool, a bike/walking path right across the street and we are still really close to all our friends back home.  Things felt really unsettled for awhile, and maybe they still do, but the lessons I have learned during all this have been great. I have learned that it doesn't matter where you live, as long as your family is together. I have learned that moving out after 8 years isn't as hard as I had feared. With help from friends and family, the move went so smooth and easy, I couldn't believe it! I learned that there are so many way to "do life". What James and I have done with our family may not be what others think is the right way, but there is no right way. It's just about what feels good and works for your family.  This feels good, I am happy and have been having a lot of fun here. I have a lot more free time because I have about half the square footage to clean and no yard work!  I am excited to be looking for our new home and to discover where life will take us next.

Begin Again

My poor blog has been neglected. I posted about my crazy summer then abandoned it for months. I am still here though, and I am going to try to catch up. First catch up post: Christmas!

Savanna entered The Christmas Lamb art contest at the Springville Museum of Art and her painting was chosen to be in the exhibit! I was so proud of her, she loves anything to do with arts and crafts. Her painting was in the museum in December and she won $15, which she spent on Christmas presents for the family because she is such a sweetie.

Christmas Eve cookie decorating!

New Year's day breakfast!

Christmas was awesome, as it always is with my beautiful family!

Hopefully this will be the first of many new blog posts. I need to keep up with my writing because it makes me happy. Life has settled down for the moment (I will do a post soon about the unsettling) so I'm going to pretend I am a blogger :)

That One Summer I Forgot How To Be A Mom

By the time the last day of school came around this year I was insanely excited for summer. No more homework, getting the kids up early, forcing them to eat a nutritious breakfast, and dragging them out the door to school. I was ready for summer! I bought a new pool for the backyard, I had new patio furniture and a porch swing. Bathing suits and summer clothes and sunscreen were all ready to go. I even pulled off a fantastic last day of school party with the neighborhood kids. The last day of school was a wonderful day full of promise of fun for the next three months. And then it all came crashing down around me. I had been spoiled during the school year, two kids in school everyday and the third going to preschool two days a week. I had time to myself for the first time in a long time and I found myself enjoying that peace and quiet. Summer break was not peaceful nor quiet. It seemed like from the time the sun rose until it set my children were at each others throats, fighting and complaining all day long. They were bored and hot and hungry and grumpy and sick of each other in a matter of days. At first, I tried to tackle it head on. We went to the dollar store to make a "bored box", a box filled with activities to keep them busy. They went through the box in about a day and half and then it was no longer fun. I took them to the splash pad, the park, and the library but by the time we argued our way through getting ready, getting in the car, and driving to the destination, we were all too frustrated to have any fun. About two weeks in, I was done. I can't explain why exactly but I had lost my enthusiasm for full time motherhood, and I felt awful about it. I wandered around yelling at my kids and letting them have way too much screen time so I could sit and stare at the wall and wonder what happened to me.  I had always been very fulfilled being a mom. I really enjoyed taking care of them all the time, it was exhausting at times yes, but never before had I felt this worn out and completely clueless. I felt like I had forgotten how to be a mom. I spent most of the rest of the summer trying to make myself do outings and activities and salvage the summer, to make it the best summer of their lives. In the end, I realized two things: first, I was not in a good place. I wasn't happy so it was nearly impossible to be a great mom. I needed to stop worrying about my kids fighting, stressing about a messy house, and obsessing over gaining a few pounds. I needed to just be happy. The second thing I realized was: I am not perfect so I will never be a perfect mom or have a perfect summer. Things were changing, my kids were older and I was older. Things were not the same as they had been the summer before so I couldn't expect to have the same kind of magical summer I kept remembering from the year before. A friend of mine recently wrote in her blog about her season of life changing, her kids are getting older and things are so different than when they were babies. I feel the exact same way. The days of my kids being completely content, if not overjoyed, playing with a set of stacking cups is long gone. As our kids grow, their needs, wants, expectations, and attitudes change and we as mothers have to change with them. I think all that change finally caught up with me this summer. I had to erase all the thing I learned from the baby days and start over. I had to become a full time mother of an 8, 6, and 4 year old. The one constant in motherhood is change. Once you think you've mastered it, the rules fly out the window and you have to start all over again. Summer was over before I realized all of this. We had a crappy summer, with a few great highlights, but nobody died, not even me! My kids still love me and I still love them. Our family is happy and together and now I look forward to the changes going on in my life right now. I do love being a mom, it just took a long and grumpy summer to remember that.

Happy 6th Birthday Miles!

Miles turned 6 this year! I just love this dude. He is super easy going, finds tons of joy in everything he does,  a good brother, and definitely dad's best buddy.  Celebrating his birthday is always so fun because he gets so excited about everything! For example:

I managed to snap this picture when he opened his present from James. A Lego set that he has been asking for since Christmas. We had a Lego birthday party for him. Really it was just the cake that was Lego themed, for the rest of the party 10 six year old boys ran around the back yard screaming and getting wet.

On his actual birthday we had swimming lessons in the morning then went to get doughnuts at the doughnut factory, aka Krispy Kreme. That night we went to dinner as a family and opened presents. He had so much fun! Happy Birthday buddy!

Bayless Family Reunion

This summer we had our very first family reunion with matching shirts! We went to see The Hole in The Rock. The Bayless family has a rich pioneer heritage which includes those who were on the mission to find a route to the San Juan river and settle the Bluff and Blanding areas. For our trip we stayed in Escalante UT and drove on the Hole in the Rock road to see the actual "hole" where the pioneers completed the seemingly impossible road down to the river. It was a 57 mile trip on a bumpy dirt road that also took us past Dance Hall Rock. A natural amphitheater in the red rocks where the pioneers held meetings and dance parties! The kids had so much fun playing with their cousins and climbing the rocks. It was southern Utah in July so it was hot! The whole time I kept thinking, we have a truck with air conditioning, plenty of food and water, and a hotel bed to sleep in when we are done. I can't imagine making the trip in covered wagon, especially down the narrow canyon road called the hole. I am so grateful for those who came before us and sacrificed so much to settle this place we call home!

The top of the hole. Can you imagine driving a wagon and team down that?

On our way home from Escalante we stopped at Bryce Canyon. I hadn't been there since I was a kid and I was just as overwhelmed now as I was then. It is such a gorgeous place and I'm go glad my kids were able to see it.

Fun summer trip!

I Have Kids

This post is a collection of ideas that have been swimming around in my head for awhile now. I have kids. I do not have babies anymore. Avery, my youngest child, is four years old, the baby days are gone. I had three babies in four years. The baby years were filled with nursing, diapers, crying, colic, jaundice, spit-up, teething, car seats, bottles, binky's, stretch marks and sleep deprivation. They were also filled with smiles, giggles, cute baby clothes, naps, first steps, first words and snuggles. I survived those years and although they were hard at times, they were also very fulfilling. Things are different now with no babies. I do not own a stroller, a high chair, or a crib. I haven't changed diapers in over a year. Now I do homework, have neighbor kids over, go to t-ball games, go on bike rides, listen to my kids read to me, watch dance shows my girls perform for me, collect hundreds of school projects, cards, and pictures, break up fights, make chore charts, and (most often) sleep through the night! These days are hard sometimes too, but also very fulfilling. I took the kids to the pool for the first time this summer and  I noticed something. We kept walking further and further out into the water and my kids could still touch the bottom. Miles and Savanna are big enough to go on the water slide without me. They are growing up right before my eyes!
Sometimes I do miss the baby days. I will feel that tiny urge for a baby when someone close to me announces they are pregnant or just had a baby. I feel it sometimes when I see those darling little baby clothes at the store or when I see baby pictures of my own kids. When I feel that I usually just snag a friend's baby at church and breath in that yummy baby smell, pinch those chubby baby cheeks, and smile at the cute baby giggle. Then I remember that it's hard to do stuff one handed and that this baby could spit-up all over me at any moment. When that adorable baby starts to fuss, I hand her back to momma and sit down, content.
To everything there is a season and my season is being a mom to the most fantastic 8, 5, and 4 year old on the planet. I love having kids.