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Thursday, September 22, 2016

What are you going to do now?

It's the official first day of fall!  The weather and landscape is changing day by day, I love this time of year and wish it would last a little longer. My day to day life is also changing with the season. All of my children are in school all day now. I have moved on from full time mommy with someone always at my feet, to school days mommy. It has definitely been a strange shift. We hit the ground running at 6AM with making breakfast, making beds, packing lunches, finishing up forgotten homework and getting out the door. As soon as school gets out it's snack, homework, gym, soccer, scouts, activity days, dinner, and crashing into bed (sometimes we sneak a shower in there too). Those hours are crazy, non-stop fun/work/driving all over the county busyness! It's exhausting but wonderful. Truth be told, it is exactly what I always wanted to be busy doing. Remember on The Office during the women in the workplace meeting (season 2, episode 15, obsessed much?) when Kelly says her dream was to be a mom who drives her kids around in an SUV with three rows of seats? That was my dream and I am living it baby! This change of season however, has left me with those odd 6 or so hours when the kids are at school and I have to answer the question, "What are you going to do now?" I had a lot of people ask me this question when school started again this year.  I didn't have an answer, and....I still don't. I could tell you all the things I have been doing while the kids are at school, but mostly it's just all the things I was always doing everyday, just minus the children. I am still busy, I'm just busy by myself. I think as stay at home moms when we come to this new season of life, it's difficult to answer that question. The truth is, our kids still need us. I don't think that my status of stay at home mom has to change simply because my kids are in school all day. I am still fulling that role of stay at home mom even though they are gone. I have struggled (still struggling actually) with how my identity should change with this new phase. Should I get a job? Go back to school? Write that book I always wanted to write? If I don't do any of those things and continue to be "just" a mom, am I valued less? If I do those things, are my children going to suffer because I'm not there as much? These are questions that mom's have a hard time answering because obviously there is no one right answer. I believe that this change of season has challenged me in a good way. It has caused me to reflect on what is most important to me, what my goals are and how I can reach them. I am taking time for myself for the first time in a long time. I am learning how to work harder and help out more with James's business. I am getting all of my work done before it's time to pick up the kids so I can be there for them and support them in their activities and interests. I am volunteering at the school so I can be involved in my children's education. I am working hard to be the best wife and mother I can be. I don't have all the answers right now but that's ok. I also know that things are always changing and life is always going to throw new and challenging things at us. The most important thing is to keep going. So, the question: "What are you going to do all day?" Well, today it was yoga. Tomorrow it will be trying to navigate IKEA to pick up hardware for a job James is doing, then reading to Avery's class. Next week, who knows? I am just going to try and be the best that I can and live in the moment right here, right now. Because if motherhood has taught me anything, it's that it goes by in a blink and I'm just trying to do my best not to miss it.

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