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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

No Judging!

Awhile back I posted on Facebook a criticism of the behavior of some kids we had seen in public. My friend very kindly pointed out that I did not know them or their situation and therefore was in no place to judge them. This friend said that since she became a parent her motto has been no judging! It's true, we don't know why people do the things they do and have absolutely no reason to judge. Sometimes I hate Facebook, it seems to bring out the worst in me.  Lately I have tried to adopt my friend's motto of no judging because my life as a parent has taken some twists and turns.
By the time Avery was born I thought I had parenting (at least up until age four) pretty well figured out. Savanna and Miles were very similar kids, they ate well, slept through the night at about the same age and with the same technique, and potty training hadn't been that big of a deal. Avery changed everything. Eating: the pickiest kid ever, sleep: didn't sleep through the night until a few months after her 2nd birthday, and Potty: issues. Savanna and Miles were both potty trained, fairly easily, at age two and although Avery had changed the mommy rules over and over again, I was still determined to have her potty trained at the same age. So I set out to potty train her the same way I did the other kids and... well it worked, at first. I thought she was doing pretty well until we noticed that she would not go number 2. She would hold it and hold it until we had to give her a suppository. I thought she was just constipated due to the picky eater issue. She will never eat fruits and vegetables! I don't get it because we all eat them, Savanna and Miles are good eaters so she's not following their example by not eating them, she just won't! We took her to see our pediatrician who suggested we give her a stool softener and try to change her diet. Taking the stool softener really didn't work well with potty training so, she was back in pull-ups for about 9 months. This was very hard for me. In the past I would totally have thought having a two year old who was not potty trained was awful, unacceptable! I think I needed to learn some kind of lesson because things just got worse. The new plan was to start potty training again after Christmas. Again, she did awesome...at first. She was perfectly fine with number 1, but number 2 started to suffer. Again we had to go back to using suppositories, which was awful. She would scream and fight every time we had to do it. We were getting worried so we talked to the doctor again and did some research. Although they do not officially diagnose until a child is four, Avery has every single sign and symptom of  Encopresis. You can read all about it but basically she cannot physically tell when she needs to go. I was so upset, especially because one of the reasons children develop it is being potty trained too early. Yay, way to go mom of the year. I just thought she was being her crazy, unpredictable self, but in actuality, she can't help it. We have been very diligent with her treatment of this issue, regular doses of the stool softener, sitting on the potty after meals, increasing water, and trying to change her diet. I bought Deceptively Delicious and have been making the recipes like crazy. All the recipes incorporate fruit and vegetable purees so even the most picky of eaters get them in their diet. We are experimenting and finding out what her favorites are and it seems to be helping. Just the other day she was sitting on the potty and said "Mom, I'm so happy I don't have to do suppositories anymore!" Oh man, that made me happy but sad at the same time, poor kid. I am so happy the treatment is working but it can take up to a year to resolve the issue, which means she will be wearing pull-ups until then. She does still go number 1 on the potty though. So my whole reason for this post was to remember: no judging! Honestly,  a three year old, plus however old she will be when this is all over, still wearing pull-ups was something I would not have accepted before but now I know it's best for my daughters health. I definitely look at things differently now. I'm sorry if you have ever felt judged by me. Like I said, this was probably a lesson I needed. I, as a parent, do not have all the answers and do not know what I am doing most of the time. Every kid is different and needs different things, I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out because Avery was different right from day one, but I'm starting to understand. I love being a mom and love my kids and hope that I can see them in a different way now and do what is best for them, not what some book I might have read seven years ago says is best. So, no judging and just doing my best for them. That's the new plan!


  1. You are awesome Chevon! Really :) Just what I needed to hear today.

  2. Haha, I do so many things now I swore I would never do as a non parent. Then I had a childless, single friend on FB say that a couple brought an infant to the movies, and how wrong that was. I chimed in, "I take my baby to the movies". The funny part, my friend didn't even know there was a baby sitting behind her until she got up to leave and saw her asleep in the mother's arms. Ummm the baby didn't cry what are you complaining about???? Sorry, I digress. But really, everyone has an opinion about everything, I have learned you just can't sweat it (easier said then done) Good luck with Avery!