That One Summer I Forgot How To Be A Mom

By the time the last day of school came around this year I was insanely excited for summer. No more homework, getting the kids up early, forcing them to eat a nutritious breakfast, and dragging them out the door to school. I was ready for summer! I bought a new pool for the backyard, I had new patio furniture and a porch swing. Bathing suits and summer clothes and sunscreen were all ready to go. I even pulled off a fantastic last day of school party with the neighborhood kids. The last day of school was a wonderful day full of promise of fun for the next three months. And then it all came crashing down around me. I had been spoiled during the school year, two kids in school everyday and the third going to preschool two days a week. I had time to myself for the first time in a long time and I found myself enjoying that peace and quiet. Summer break was not peaceful nor quiet. It seemed like from the time the sun rose until it set my children were at each others throats, fighting and complaining all day long. They were bored and hot and hungry and grumpy and sick of each other in a matter of days. At first, I tried to tackle it head on. We went to the dollar store to make a "bored box", a box filled with activities to keep them busy. They went through the box in about a day and half and then it was no longer fun. I took them to the splash pad, the park, and the library but by the time we argued our way through getting ready, getting in the car, and driving to the destination, we were all too frustrated to have any fun. About two weeks in, I was done. I can't explain why exactly but I had lost my enthusiasm for full time motherhood, and I felt awful about it. I wandered around yelling at my kids and letting them have way too much screen time so I could sit and stare at the wall and wonder what happened to me.  I had always been very fulfilled being a mom. I really enjoyed taking care of them all the time, it was exhausting at times yes, but never before had I felt this worn out and completely clueless. I felt like I had forgotten how to be a mom. I spent most of the rest of the summer trying to make myself do outings and activities and salvage the summer, to make it the best summer of their lives. In the end, I realized two things: first, I was not in a good place. I wasn't happy so it was nearly impossible to be a great mom. I needed to stop worrying about my kids fighting, stressing about a messy house, and obsessing over gaining a few pounds. I needed to just be happy. The second thing I realized was: I am not perfect so I will never be a perfect mom or have a perfect summer. Things were changing, my kids were older and I was older. Things were not the same as they had been the summer before so I couldn't expect to have the same kind of magical summer I kept remembering from the year before. A friend of mine recently wrote in her blog about her season of life changing, her kids are getting older and things are so different than when they were babies. I feel the exact same way. The days of my kids being completely content, if not overjoyed, playing with a set of stacking cups is long gone. As our kids grow, their needs, wants, expectations, and attitudes change and we as mothers have to change with them. I think all that change finally caught up with me this summer. I had to erase all the thing I learned from the baby days and start over. I had to become a full time mother of an 8, 6, and 4 year old. The one constant in motherhood is change. Once you think you've mastered it, the rules fly out the window and you have to start all over again. Summer was over before I realized all of this. We had a crappy summer, with a few great highlights, but nobody died, not even me! My kids still love me and I still love them. Our family is happy and together and now I look forward to the changes going on in my life right now. I do love being a mom, it just took a long and grumpy summer to remember that.

Happy 6th Birthday Miles!

Miles turned 6 this year! I just love this dude. He is super easy going, finds tons of joy in everything he does,  a good brother, and definitely dad's best buddy.  Celebrating his birthday is always so fun because he gets so excited about everything! For example:

I managed to snap this picture when he opened his present from James. A Lego set that he has been asking for since Christmas. We had a Lego birthday party for him. Really it was just the cake that was Lego themed, for the rest of the party 10 six year old boys ran around the back yard screaming and getting wet.

On his actual birthday we had swimming lessons in the morning then went to get doughnuts at the doughnut factory, aka Krispy Kreme. That night we went to dinner as a family and opened presents. He had so much fun! Happy Birthday buddy!

Bayless Family Reunion

This summer we had our very first family reunion with matching shirts! We went to see The Hole in The Rock. The Bayless family has a rich pioneer heritage which includes those who were on the mission to find a route to the San Juan river and settle the Bluff and Blanding areas. For our trip we stayed in Escalante UT and drove on the Hole in the Rock road to see the actual "hole" where the pioneers completed the seemingly impossible road down to the river. It was a 57 mile trip on a bumpy dirt road that also took us past Dance Hall Rock. A natural amphitheater in the red rocks where the pioneers held meetings and dance parties! The kids had so much fun playing with their cousins and climbing the rocks. It was southern Utah in July so it was hot! The whole time I kept thinking, we have a truck with air conditioning, plenty of food and water, and a hotel bed to sleep in when we are done. I can't imagine making the trip in covered wagon, especially down the narrow canyon road called the hole. I am so grateful for those who came before us and sacrificed so much to settle this place we call home!

The top of the hole. Can you imagine driving a wagon and team down that?

On our way home from Escalante we stopped at Bryce Canyon. I hadn't been there since I was a kid and I was just as overwhelmed now as I was then. It is such a gorgeous place and I'm go glad my kids were able to see it.

Fun summer trip!

I Have Kids

This post is a collection of ideas that have been swimming around in my head for awhile now. I have kids. I do not have babies anymore. Avery, my youngest child, is four years old, the baby days are gone. I had three babies in four years. The baby years were filled with nursing, diapers, crying, colic, jaundice, spit-up, teething, car seats, bottles, binky's, stretch marks and sleep deprivation. They were also filled with smiles, giggles, cute baby clothes, naps, first steps, first words and snuggles. I survived those years and although they were hard at times, they were also very fulfilling. Things are different now with no babies. I do not own a stroller, a high chair, or a crib. I haven't changed diapers in over a year. Now I do homework, have neighbor kids over, go to t-ball games, go on bike rides, listen to my kids read to me, watch dance shows my girls perform for me, collect hundreds of school projects, cards, and pictures, break up fights, make chore charts, and (most often) sleep through the night! These days are hard sometimes too, but also very fulfilling. I took the kids to the pool for the first time this summer and  I noticed something. We kept walking further and further out into the water and my kids could still touch the bottom. Miles and Savanna are big enough to go on the water slide without me. They are growing up right before my eyes!
Sometimes I do miss the baby days. I will feel that tiny urge for a baby when someone close to me announces they are pregnant or just had a baby. I feel it sometimes when I see those darling little baby clothes at the store or when I see baby pictures of my own kids. When I feel that I usually just snag a friend's baby at church and breath in that yummy baby smell, pinch those chubby baby cheeks, and smile at the cute baby giggle. Then I remember that it's hard to do stuff one handed and that this baby could spit-up all over me at any moment. When that adorable baby starts to fuss, I hand her back to momma and sit down, content.
To everything there is a season and my season is being a mom to the most fantastic 8, 5, and 4 year old on the planet. I love having kids.

Since The Last Time

Just wanted to post what's been happening in our life since the last time I posted.

We attended Comic Craze, an event put on by our local library. The kids dressed up, played games, had their faces painted, got a balloon animal and made super hero masks. It was really fun and.... Darth Vader smelled like B.O.

Miles started t-ball! He LOVES it. He gets to hang out with his friends and pretend to play baseball, it's awesome! I love watching the games, some nights he is really on, hitting well, playing awesome. Some nights he is making farting noises in the outfield, but he is always smiling and having tons of fun!

My birthday is always the same week as Mother's day and I always get so spoiled. This year James got me patio furniture and a wonderful patio swing. I have wanted one for a long time and I love relaxing in the yard watching the kids play. Thank you James!

School ended and Miles graduated from Kindergarten. On to bigger and better things!

On the last day of school we had a last day of school party! It was really, really fun. I didn't get any pictures but just imagine about 57 kids all crammed into our tiny inflatable pool eating root beer floats. The next day we went to the splash pad for the first time this year. Hooray for summer!

The first two weeks of summer included running back and forth to friends houses, t-ball games, bike shows, and a trip to the pool. Here's to much more fun to come!

Everything Is Awesome!

Saturday April 5th: We had just finished a very busy week at school and were very excited to have next week off for spring break! We spent the whole day together as a family watching conference. When conference was over we were gathered in the living room talking. "We should go to Legoland." I said. Then the kids started chanting "Legoland! Legoland! Legoland!" James and I talked about how much it would cost, how long it would take to get there, etc. The next thing I knew, we were packing bags and planning to leave for California in the morning! This is how our vacation began!
Sunday April 6th: We leave the house at 5 AM, headed to Cali!

I was actually very impressed with how well the kids did on the drive. It's such a long trip but they did awesome! I think they were so excited! Sunday night we arrived in Carlsbad around 5pm. We checked into our hotel then headed out for dinner. After dinner we went to the beach! We were hoping to get there in time to see the sunset but we were a little late. The sun was pretty much down but we walked around a bit and got our feet wet. It has been awhile since James or I had seen the ocean, Savanna was about a year old the last time she saw it, and Miles and Avery had never been. It was so fun to share that experience together. The waves kept coming in and Savanna's flip flops kept getting pulled out into the water. Amazingly, we found her shoes every time they were pushed back to shore! We got back to the hotel, washed the sand off the kids, and crashed into bed.
Monday April 6th: Legoland! First we had a delicious breakfast at the hotel. They had a make your own waffle station and those waffles were crazy good! I looked up what kind of mix they use and I ordered some so we can make them at home, yummy!

We got to the park right when they opened and everyone was super excited! We spent the entire day at Legoland. The rides were fun and because we have an odd number of people in our family, Savanna ended up riding some the rides alone, she thought that was super special! My favorite was the dragon roller coaster. I was sitting with Avery and she was smiling until we got to the top and started going down the hill. Her smile turned a little into a grimace, I told her she was ok and she said,"yeah, I know." After though she said she had fun! We had hot dogs and ice cream cones for lunch, saw mini-land with all the amazing places made out of lego's and rode more rides. It was getting pretty hot as the afternoon wore on so we stopped to play at the splash pad area. My kids were not in swim suits but they didn't care. They were soaked in a matter of minutes and the smiles never left their faces! As I was putting the kid's shoes back on after the water park one of my primary kids from church ran up to me and said Hi! I was so surprised! Our neighbors were at Legoland that very same day! Small world! We ended the day at the gift shop! Everyone got a souvenir, then we left the park, had dinner and went back to the hotel and crashed again.

Tuesday April 7th: Beach day! We got up, had breakfast, packed up and headed to the beach! It was a wonderfully sunny, beautiful day! We spent a couple hours playing in the ocean. The kids loved it! I loved it! James loved it! James took turns taking each kid out a little further into the water and letting the waves crash around them. The kids loved playing in the sand, getting in the water to wash off, then rolling around in the sand again. It was so wonderful, I want to go back right now!

After the beach we started heading home. We stopped that night to sleep in Las Vegas. We stayed at The Excalibur which was pretty cool for the kids but not much else about Vegas is cool, and it smells like cigarettes. The next morning we packed up and came home! The vacation was so, so, so fun! It was awesome to be spontaneous and just leave the house on a whim and go on a trip.  It was good for us to get away as a family!