Clouds Roll By

Last week Avery graduated from kindergarten.

 This day had been something I thought about so much. When my children were babies I spent so much time thinking about the day when they would all be in school all day and they wouldn't need me anymore and I would be lonely and just go hide under the covers and be sad. Turns out, they still need me, quite a bit actually. Even though they have all brushed their teeth everyday since they had teeth, they still need me to remind them to do it each day, so there's that. Seriously though, time is weird.  I have a very vivid memory of being ten years old, standing outside the swimming pool waiting for my mom to come pick me up. I remember thinking, I'm ten, ten years hasn't felt that long and in ten more years I'll be twenty, so I don't have that much time to get my act together and be an adult. Now I have a my very own ten year old! When my kids were little I would get so excited for the next phase like, sleeping through the night, being potty trained, starting school. At the same time though, I would dread them getting older and leaving me. I love that I don't have babies anymore because I have more time for myself and having older kids gives us a lot more freedom to do a lot of fun things, BUT, just the other night I cried myself to sleep thinking about how grown up my baby is! See what I mean? Weird.  I pretty much held it together for the graduation. I cried, obviously, but I wasn't hysterical or anything. James saw the tears in my eyes, put his arm around me and whispered in my ear, "you know, we could have another kid I guess, if you want." I laughed, what a sweet guy. We thought about it and if we tried for a baby right now, in seven years we would be right back in school sitting through another kindergarten graduation. Savanna would be 17 (what?!), James and I would be half dead and I would still be crying when they sang that damn song from The Land Before Time! So, clouds roll by and so does time. All I can do is hold my babies tight each day get excited about what comes next.